Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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