man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
