We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
