"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
