I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize