Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
