hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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