im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
