The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
