Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
