He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
