took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
