I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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