What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
