A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Randomize
