This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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