i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
