i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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