Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
