Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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