I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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