My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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