Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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