A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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