So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
