So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
