Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
