He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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