uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
