Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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