The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
