Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
