my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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