I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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