your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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