I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
