I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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