I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
