dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
