I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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