Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
