um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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