No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
