I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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