oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
