He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
