I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
