Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
