I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
