You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
