ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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