Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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