Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
