Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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