You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
