You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
