that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize