i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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