It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
