I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
