i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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