i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
