Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
