We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
