omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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