after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
